WOW!

i am so thankful for friends that i have made through classes.. life seems to be getting more chaotic than ever and i am ready to let go.. I am currently looking for a place to move to because my mother is driving me insane...

Sam and laura are doing better although, they are full of energy it is relaxing to sit with them in the evening to spend time with them.. Right now they seem to be my therapy.. I wonder if that is a good thing...

Recently had a birthday.. turned 37 which i didn't meet with grace and greetings..lol.. however if believing that three years from 40 are not enough to throw someone over the edge, hearing the news that i am going to be a grandma was.. I who dont usually do anything crazy, actually had a drink or two and peirced my nose.. wow.. boy not only were my parents shocked, i was shocked.

i actually didnt mind it..

to those of you who have patiently lended a listening ear to me thank u so much for ur support.. it means so much.. hope to have better news for all in a couple of weeks..

till then have a great week..

overwhelmed

yep i think i am seriously losing my mind. lately i seem to be a magnet for incredibly weird ignorant people. It seems like it doesn't matter where i am at, there is always at least one in the stinking crowd that has something stupid to say. The worst part is they don't want to view anyone elses opinion on the matter, they just say what they want and then leave in a tuff.

this week started off really horrible. Right now i can't wait till it is over.
my parents have a friend visiting from ny and now melissa is in laura's room for the week and although i have known him since i was a child and i know he means well, but i am really getting tired of peole trying to fix me and my kids.

i am tired of explaining about my childrens condition and why there is no father in the home, of all things i guess i expected my parents to put a stop to all the questions but no, they just sit there looking the other way, and then wonder why i keep to myself.

i go to my room to do homework and they want to know if i am angry at them, because i have always taken part of family time! News flash, i have responsibilities and it doesnt always fall in the catagory of sitting in front of the television watching reruns of the waltons. UGHHHHH
does anyone else have the same trouble?

Okay, i know it is going to be hard putting two families in one house, but i try to mind my own business where their lives are concerned. Do they do the same? oh no, lets fix shannon up with someone because she must be lonely, lets rearrange her room while she's gone to help her or how about lets undermind her infront of her children and insist that our way is the only way to raise children...... Can anyone say breaking point!

i don't know but maybe i am going crazy, i just know that if i hear one more person say that sam and laura need to have a chance to be NORMAL i'm seriously going to hit someone and i won't be sorry for it either. Could it all be just an october type of thing? Like maybe really nice people lose therir senses temporarily during the month of october or something. I wish someone could shed some light on the subject because i am really feeling hostile right now .

oh well, maybe i'll lock myself in my room and pretend i'm in another world for a while, hehe.
i feel like buggs bunny in the cartoons, must have taken a wrong turn at alberquerqe

big hellos from kids

Anyhow, i bombed both exams the past two weeks. I don't know whats' wrong with me, but is it possible to study so much that your mind turnsto mush? that is what i feel like right now and i am getting so frustrated with myself. I am too slow on reading fingerspelling and everyone seems to be picking it right up. I can't seem to turn my brain off and just read the sounds of the letters together. i don't know what it will take for me to get past this point but i don't feel like i am getting anywhere.

I am visiting the asl sites but do fine with them so why can't i get it straight with ruby or others.

oh i don't know, maybe i permanent memory loss when it comes to reading what we've all learned. Go figure.

Sam and Laura has a new pass time

well today is monday and i just finished taking the quiz for the online class. Right now things are pretty quiet here because david and melissa are at a young life meeting. I am updating the blog and sam and laura are watching ice age 1. I know it is an older movie but i can't help but laugh at it. Some of the things they say are too funny.

Anyhow, i didn't make it to the cochlear workshop. I have been tirelessly dealing with sinus and ear problems. I am doing better but have to see an ent on my birthday of all days. From what i have heard about the workshop i think it is good that i didn't go because i may have ended up hitting someone.

Saturday i was in bed all day and trying to relax when sam and laura wanted to watch the videos from signing time. They love them, well i put one in and sam started yelling no!!!!!!! He was very persistent and i thought laura was going to jump on him to keep him quiet when i finally figured out what he wanted. He has watched me review Rubys videos from vocabulary and wanted to watch them. So i dragged myself out of my warm comfy bed to sit at the desk and let him watch them. He and laura repeated every sign she did. IT was't always perfect but it was fun to see them try them.

Then when he got tired of them i found some youtube fingerspelling videos on line and there was one with a baby in it and he loved it although he kept saying she was wrong. Since we came to the deaf games he has litterally blossomed in using sign. I can't get him to usually move from one sign to another very easily but since last wed. he has been running around the house asking for sign . I think it's great!! Right now, laura wants to know if she is better than him and if we have competition in class to see who is better than the other person. I just tell her no, and that we try to help each other, and that she should try to help him as well since she is older than he is.

She said she'll think about it but i depends on how many of his toys he shares! LOL

I have been fingerspelling everything at home so that i can get familiar with it more and trying to get ( parents and kids) to fingerspell back so i will get better at reading it as well. Needless to say david just turns around and walks away. I guess 15 yr old boys are above the helping mom thing. Melissa however, says mom will you just stop and sign because it takes you way to long to figure out what i am asking you. Usually she is very patient with me, but i guess her limit of being asked to repeat herself is 25. LOL

any how, better get back to studying.
shannon

P.S. new sites i found asl.ms , fingerspelling practices ( takes you to youtube) they are pretty cool and i will definately keep visiting them.

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THE SCHOOL LISTENED

Okay today was an alright day. Earlier this week i attended an sat meeting for laura. I sat with her teachers and special ed director. I listened to them tell me how she struggles and isn't paying attention, and how she needs help. I gave them all my paperwork and showed them what the doctors have said. would you believe that the special ed director tried to blame laura's condition on the thought that it is because everyone did everything for her. NOT SO.. i am vy adamate about laura doing her own work. She would learn absolutely nothing if everyone did the work for her.

Then this morning before class, i attended sam's iep meeting. Finally a year after starting, they are giving an aid who is certified in sign to help in his room. They still insist that Sam has to speak, but i just smiled and said great, but don't expect perfection. He can't repeat consistently what he isn't hearing. How many times does a person have to explain before the people who are supposed to be specialists in their field actually get the point?

when we went to game day, i was thrilled to see sam trying to play with maddie, even though he couldn't get his mind off his trucks. She actually is the first girl besides laura , that he has even considered playing with. He had a good time, because when we got home he kept signing play girl to his poppy. I kept showing him her name sign, but he still called her girl. I am sorry for the noise he made during the test, though. I hope he didn't upset anyone. Towards the end i think i saw him mimicking ruby's hands. He was sitting on the desk top looking at her and i could see him moving his hand, but i was really trying to pay attention to what ruby was signing.

I hope all did well and thanks again for being so good to sam.

I also think i have to brush up on my chess playing skills, because next time De brings her set, i plan on winning a match. LOL

Just because

Well, here it is Sunday and right now, my kids are not talking to me, because we are not going to deaf bowl tonite. I wish they could understand deadlines and finances, but they don't. It's alright, because they will love me again at movie time. Once a week i try to do a movie night when everyone (mostly me and kids) huddle on my bed and watch movie. I got Nims Island, which i have seen before and thought the kids would like it.

The movies we watched this past week in class have really impacked my thoughts. I am sure that i will never do a cochlear implant on my son. I am almost possitive that i will be sending them to Romney, i am just still weighing the odds against the good stuff. today, they went horse back riding with their sister and brother and we all collected leaves and made paintings. Next i am going to go out and play freeze tag with them and hope that they don't kill each other.

when we play games in class and everyone gets so competitive, its cute, but noone ever gets hurt. However, with sam and laura, any game almost always ends up with someone crying over cut and bruised knees. They try to run faster than each other and tag harder then anyone else.

Anyhow, i just want to thank everyone for understanding that sam had to come with me and that they treated him great. thank you all very much for that. It meant alot to have him sit in
a room of people and not be stared at or had comments made about him. Thank you again,

hope all have had a great weekend and see you all tomorrow.
shannon

Some very deep thoughts about life

Well today we watched that movie and were asked to write a paper on our thoughts. Lets just say that i had an hour and 15 min of driving time to think about the movie and my view point on it. For me the movie hit very close to home. It has been suggested that Sam have the surgery. They suggested it over a year and half ago. My answer then was no, and still is no. It is not my
choice to make because i am not the one who has to wear the device or am forced to go to the
speech therapy sessions. It sounds wonderful because as a mother i know what sam is missing when the wind blows or a bird sings. Now sams condition is not quite the same as being profoundly deaf. He hears , he just doesn't make out the sounds and understand what they mean. Ever listen to a radio with static , well, that is what he hears. He tries to say words but they don't sound right and his voice is different from other kids his age.
After the long ride home and helping laura with her homework. I sat down to write the paper. And here i am still here trying to write the same paper, after 2 runs of finding nemo playing on the tv. LOL It didn't dawn on me until just now, that as i am sitting here pondering my thoughts on helping people who really don't need help, that even though it is a cartoon, marlin wants to help his son nemo learn how to be safe and live a good life. By protecting nemo , he actually pushed nemo away because nemo wanted to choose for himself and wanted to try to do things on his own. In the end as everyone probably knows, nemo is the hero of the story and proved to himself and his dad that he indeed was capable of doing amazing things.
I think that i would have to come to the conclusion that although my son can't hear things the
way that i do, He deserves the chance to learn and grow and excell as he is. I feel it would be unfair to him if i tried to fix him and make him what i want him to be. He is who he is and i am proud of him. He and Laura are amazing and teach me so much everyday. I will not allow a person who has never walked in our shoes push me into fixing a problem they think exsists. I am sorry for being so blunt, but the ignorant closed minded people of this world will just have to be uncomfortable with the fact that my children are different than them. If they have a problem with it, then don't look at them. If that should be someone's choice i pitty them because they are missing out on a blessing. Sam and Laura are not stupid , dumb, or incapable of learning. They are individuals who are diferent,but the smartest people i know. They are wonderful and as long as they have family who love and support them, they will excell and grow and acheive things i could never dream of. They are my future and i think i will rest easier knowing that they are proud of who and how they are. I accept them and someday so will the rest of the world. Sorry for getting so emotional, but this is a tough subject for me. Thanks for being patient.

Frustration at it's highest

Okay today was one of those days. I felt completely lost. First of all i missed all but 5 min. of the NMS class because i had to attend court for melissa. Thankfully it is all over and she is now in my full custody again. Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!! thought that day would never come!
well when i got to class i was clueless about what everyone was learning and felt so stupid. I get very nervous when Ruby calls on me to sign . Sometimes i sit in the corner and secretly wish that she didn't see me. I am so afraid of making a mistake. I really envy some the people in our class for their abiltiy to pick up the sign and NMS so quickly. I wish it were that easy for me. I always feel like i could do way better than what i am and get discouraged easily. I have recently had thoughts that i'll never make it to interpreter, but i am trying not to set myself up for failure.
I really apperciate everyone's patience with me during my family crisis' and for not judging me. I can't even tell you what a relief it is to know that although you all are tired of hearing about my kids and their troubles, that you don't just yell at me to SHUT UP.
It's hard for me to find other things to talk about because for most of my life i have been a mother and a wife. That was my life. So i don't have other things to compare to it. I am sorry if the conversations at times are boring.
I think that Ruby is getting frustrated with me because my mind is going blank lately. She doesn't say anything, but it is just a feeling i have. She has been wonderfuly patient with me and all my questions and I think that she is a great teacher and although it has been rough at times i am glad that there is not an interpreter. Well i better get back to studying. Good luck everyone.
shannon

Movie at Romney

Okay, the night started out great. First i brought my daughter to school with me and was really excited to have her there. We had a small lunch and waited for Sarah, and Pam to show up.
I had to put blankets down because sam is a really messy little boy and left m&ms in the seat where his car seat was. Sarah had to be the interpreter for Pam while i drove. I haven't mastered signing, let alone signing while your driving. Besides , i thought they would really appreciate getting there alive and in one piece.
When we got there i felt really overwhelmed and embarrased because i'm not really good at signing or reading fingerspelling yet. We watched the movie and it was different but i liked it. Thankfully i understood some of the signs and the nms the actors used were great. I figured it out and even got the point of the story. Afterward Pam gave us a tour of the Dorms and introduced us to some of her friends. It was really great. I had some aprehesion about sending sam and laura there, but seeing it last night put some of the fears aside.
Then Sarah, treated us to ice cream and milk shakes. YUM!!!!
Oh yeah it took us over 3 hours to get home because i got lost. We saw a sign for Morgantown that said 56 miles, then one that said 42 miles. Somewhere after that we took a wrong turn and ended up stopping for directions. Guess what we had completely back tracked and ended up another 109 miles away. So Sarah and Pam kept me awake so we could get back home . Alive that is. I did reaize that the closer you get to home, the faster you seem to drive. LOL

well, i don't know if they will ever want to ride with me again, but i would certainly love to do more activities like that and also I enjoyed myself a great deal. I learned alot of neat things about Sarah and Pam and i think that if the opportunity should rise again that everyone should really try to go. It was very awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!

rough but somewhat funny weekend

Hey everyone.

Would you believe me ,if i said that school is more relaxing than at home? No? I probably wouldn't either. After my crying outburst at school Friday, ( thanks everyone for being so supportive, i really appreciate it.) i got to go home and collapse on the bed and pretend i didn't exsist for a while.
I went to ohio with my step father to pick up my mom's new cook stove. Boy, that thing is huge!! It takes up twice the amount of room the last cook stove did. I asked my mom who she thought she was cooking for, the college campus? Okay, yeah we have 11 peole in our home, but we still don't need a stove that big.
I did manage to not run over the old man jogging in his underwear with a shower cap on. NO! I'm not kidding, there are some wierd people out there.

I did manage to take Melissa, David, Laura and Samuel bowling on Sunday. They had fun although sam was very bad. He pushed a litlle boy who tried to get on the ride with him which he got disciplined for. He is at the age that whatever another person has belongs to him and his stuff belongs to him. Then he didn't let go of the ball and slid down the lane with it. I quickly ran and got him and told him to be careful and not do that again at which he thought , Oh something else to bug mommy with, i wonder how many times i can slide down the lane.
Then to make matters even better, my 15 year old is checking out every girl who walked passed us. THen Laura who is only 6 gets a higher score than meliss and i combined. Now that is sad!

Monday, they had to go to the doctors and found out that they have double ear infection and pnuemonia. Yeah, more money and time spent in waiting rooms.
Well , i guess that is enough for now. You guys can only handle so much complainging right?

By the way i realized that i really stink at reading fingerspelling!!!!!!!!

Bowling night

Hi again,

i know i haven't been to very many activities for the asl class. However i did go to game day. I was pretty nervous about it and felt like i had stuck out like a sore thumb. I have been hoping to go to the bowling nite as well, but the weekends are a little tricky for me. It happens to be a school nite for the kids and then there is the gas and cost of playing if i choose to do that. I am going to attend (deffinately) in October. I plan on bringing my two youngest children because i think they will get a lot out of it.
As far as our next game day, i think i will try to find a game the kids haven't lost pieces to and bring it. I enjoyed playing with Ruby, April and Kendra, There was another girl that played cards with us but i forgot to ask her name. Yeah, i know, stupid right? Anyhow, i don't mind playing the cards and rummy, but i think April either has beginners luck or she's counting numbers. HA Ha. She seemed to win every hand but one. I couldn't figure it out. Also it was neat to learn a new way to play it as well. We used the jokers as wild cards ,but i had never known you could do that before. I can't wait until next game day. It was really cool.
Anyhow hope everyone has a great weekend.

one test down and two more to go! Whew!

Whew! I am sure glad that test is over. I pretty much smacked myself all the way home, because i knew the ones i messed up on. They were really stupid mistakes. Anyhow, i just hope that it wasn't a failing grade.
The next two tests have me worried. I have a hard time in nms because i am not sure when to use what expression with what sentence. I am sure i am not the only one in that boat. I get bored sometimes reading technical stuff and find my mind wandering away.
This evening, i came home with all intentions of studying when i walked in the door, but visitors showed up and put that plan on hold, so here i am at 11:30 at night trying to learn this stuff.
Well, i wish everyone lots of luck, and hope that you all do great on Friday as well.
until , next time.
shannon

ruogh week but still going

wow! this week has felt like the longest week i 've ever known. Everyone at my house has been sick with a cold of some type or another. The kids are good, but typical. I waas disappointed about the test i took and failed. I studied but my mind went blank.
I am excited about sign class, but when i watch everyone in the class, sometimes i wonder if i am in the wrong place. They all seem to be so good. I want to be an interpreter, but mostly want to communicate with my son and daughter without either of us getting frustrated. there are some times when i think that i made a mistake by going to school. Mostly when they are crying when i leave. I some how feel like i am abandoning them..I am ( in addition to my daughter Melissa) the only one who can sign a little.

I started signing before laura was born about6 years ago. I had 3 friends in church who were deaf. Well God never brings people or things into your life without a reason. So naturally i thought that laura would have problems with her hearing. I just took it in stride and when she passed the newborn hearing screening , i was exstatic. Then 3 years down the road Samuel came along, 2 months premature. He was a fighter in the fact that he didn't just give up. He struggled to breathe for 3 1/2 hours till the nicu unit could get to him. 3 days after he was born, he took a turn for the worst and i was told he wouldn't make it. All i can say is that God amazes me everyday. He had pnuemonia and they treated him, in two days he was well enough to have the hearing screening done. Everything was perfect. All was there and functioning.
After he came home , our family fell apart. We had a really bad incident which forced the kids and i to move to wv. sam was 6 months old. Well things went on as usall but with all the chaos of moving and the family unit being split in half, i didn't really pay much attention to the milestones of the kids. ex. crawling, cooing, sittiing up.
It was about 1 year after we moved that one day i sat with sam and realized that when he played, he was completely silent. then i remembered how calm he was as an infant. I just thought he was a good baby. After about 7 hearing tests and 2 abr's and autisim being ruled out.
we discovered that he has auditory nueropathy. i thought ok i can handle this. I mean God doesn't give you more than you can handle, right? Well ski-hi has been coming out and working with him and me, when the sign teacher noticed laura watching very intently. I thought she just wanted to learn, after all she could talk fairly well. Guess what? Yep, laura has been reading lips all this time and has the same condition sam does to a different degree. So to make a long story short, that is why i am here. Thanks for reading and next time it will be shorter, i promise.

family togetherness

wow, these pictures show just a glimpse of my kids. Melissa has the peircing blue eyes. She's 17, then there is David (15) and Leanna (18). Can't you just feel the love? they are typical teenagers, but they have their good days too. All in all they are great kids!